soul shape

As a young child, kindergarten age or so, I knew I had a soul. This is, after all, a big part of the Catholic dogma, having one. I also had a guardian angel, which was a benevolent and invisible friend that hovered nearby and somehow or other helped me. I was never too clear on how he helped, and I remain foggy on this notion.  But I do know that his name was Rufus. I was permitted to name him, at this tender young age, and I guess this seemed like a good name to me at the time.

Never catching even a glimpse of Rufus, I grew somewhat skeptical within a few years that he was real. While he existed, though, I imagined him looking like the Raphaelite angels in the mosaics at church, with huge feathery wings, vaguely cream-colored, and a flowing light blue robe. He was invisible, of course, but this was the image I could best concoct in my childlike mind. I'm uncertain if he was tiny, like the angels that cartoonists place upon our shoulders, or if he changed size. Actually, I seem to remember him as an adult figure, but far from adult-sized. Kids want to relate to people at their own level and stature, I guess.

The business with the soul was nowhere near as vague and illusory as Rufus, though. I knew exactly what my soul looked like. It was almost as tall as me, floated inside of me, and was a squared off pillar, a cylinder that looked as if it would be glass- if it could be seen and touched. I don't think that my parents or grandmother ever went into any graphic detail about this concept, but I was completely clear on the details. Where did this picture of a translucent cylinder of light come from, then?  It's another of those mysteries of early childhood, I guess.

Years later, when I had become enamored with the occult and began reading books about seances and out-of-body experiences, I learned that this is a very popular conception of the astral body. That's the 'inner you' that floats away and travels anywhere at all, during an OBE, the astral body. Many mystics and out-of-body voyagers have described their astral bodies as pillars of light. The trick in inducing an OBE is to cause the astral body to vibrate at a certain frequency, they claim.

I've never had any major luck with this, but I like the idea of a practical use for the soul. I was not only very clear on what mine looked like as a child, after all, I was keenly aware that every sin that I committed would slowly darken and cloud it, turning it smoky and opaque over time. As amazing a concept as this seems to me now, I can't consider it a practical notion- and it seems a thing especially unfit to darken the mind of a child.